"Wonderwall"

Car dealership lights blind me as the drive home sinks in. My favorite regrets are in this car. I'm sitting next to the boy I love but cannot touch. The girl who I've gone in and out of being good friends with is in front of me, holding back tears. Hiding your emotions is overrated. The truth has finally been realized yet none of us can say it. It's said through songs and quotes and missteps that get glares. 45 minutes of silence through unfamiliar darkness. I'm pumping music into my ears and into my veins to keep myself from thinking about it. At the same time, I've realized what's been going through my head since December and what I know now. I know what I don't regret and what I want to remember. He pulls me outside and whispers, "I love you." I mouth back, "I love you, too" because my mouth can't make sound. When I open the car door again it's tense. Tense enough to feel.

"I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now."

I haven't done much today but I feel really chill so that's cool. I have A's in all of the classes that have given grade reports, so that's good. I'm still anxious about my Biology grade, and my Spanish grade should be an A. I just need validation. We watched West Side Story in English and I was reminded how much I love that movie. It's so amazing. I still love it, even if it's a musical and completely dorky. In gym we did absolutely nothing, and afterward I walked with Taylor to Kings Park. We basically just chilled in Hunan West and ate Chinese food and talked. Her mom was there so she gave me a ride home before they went to the basketball game at Braddock.

I just made brownies. They're my best brownies yet, which is good because for some reason I could not grasp the concept. Both times I've made brownies from scratch, they've turned out cakey or too chocolatey. This time, they're almost perfect. I just wish they were a little thicker...and for that I'd just have to double the recipe. I'm thinking about substituting butter in place of the vegetable oil. That might make them even better. I was watching Barefoot Contessa and she made scones, which was cool. I haven't made scones, although I'd like to. Paula Dean is on now, though, and I swear to god there's so much butter in this episode I'm going to puke.

Emilie was at school today, finally. I'll miss her if/when she goes to West Springfield. It'll suck not seeing her every day, or at least almost every day. We're going to Sterling with Hayden tomorrow. I'm not sure what time, but it's definitely going to happen, haha. I miss Alex too! I've noticed that a lot of people think I'm either a sophomore or a junior. I wish. I just think it's funny.

This blog was incredibly boring. Sorry for wasting everyone's life.

Inauguration Day!

I bravely ventured into the District of Columbia today with my dad and three of the Fitzpatricks to see the swearing in of NEW PRESIDENT OBAMA on the National Mall. It was cold, cramped, crowded, and REALLY FREAKING EXCITING. I'll tell my day in pictures...(by the way, I already apologize for the quality of the pictures. I used my cell phone camera.)

The Metro was INSANELY crowded, both the train and the station. I didn't get a picture of the former, but here's Federal Center SW at about 9:15AM this morning:


We came in late so we were by the Washington Monument...


To give you an idea of how close everything was, I was right up on the person in front of me and the person behind me was right up on me as well as people closing in on both sides. I couldn't move my arms.


I took this picture right when Obama started his address:


Everyone was so excited and there was a ton of cheering and "amens". I took this picture right after the address. It's definitely one of my favorites. The sign says "'I have a dream.' Dreams come true."


And of course, my photo whore-ness:


This is a couple hours after the end of the swearing in. We went to the Air & Space Museum for lunch and to get warm.


I had a lot of fun today, even if it was tiring. Every part of my body is sore right now. My dad and I actually got interviewed for the Washington Post so look for that tomorrow. I was also on CNN...even if you can't tell it's me, I'm there! Anyway, I'm tired and don't have much else to say that hasn't already been said, so I'm out! xoxo

I can't sleep. Go figure.

So yesterday I stayed home sick, again. I felt absolutely disgusting all day long and slept for the majority of the day...which means I can't sleep now. Karma's a bitch.

I have practice in an hour and to tell you the truth I'm actually pretty excited. I've always told myself that no matter how hard I tried I'd never be better than Kara. I'm realizing now that I only told myself that I wouldn't be able to beat Kara...and that it's completely possible if I work my freaking butt off every practice. I'm excited for the meet this weekend, even if we suck, because we can get a ballpark range of scores and see what we need to work on the most. I'm also excited to wear the suits, even if my thighs are huge in them. I'll post pictures afterward.

I have to make up a test and three quizzes on Monday, not to mention the English log that I've been putting off. My science fair experimentation starts today...I think. Then I have to write the whole lab report. On the upside, I'm pretty sure I have straight A's. I have a love-hate relationship with school.

I feel like I'm tired all the time now, and if I'm not, I'm completely bugging everyone around me. I guess it's just one of those weeks? I hate feeling like a burden to people, and that's pretty much what I feel like. Note to self: stop being a bitch to everyone...

I'm in English right now, listening to group presentations. It's Steven Lyle's group, which means it is unnecessarily lengthy, complicated, and pretentious.

Anyway.
I was pulled out of orchestra today to go visit the counselor. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. My counselor saw me and told me she had my school planner (which I had lost months ago). Then, she opened it and pointed to the lyric from The Who's "My Generation" that I had copied onto the cover page ("I hope I die before I get old."). She said she was worried about me and asked if anything was wrong. I had the urge to laugh hysterically. Of course, nothing's wrong! I'm fine. I would never even think about committing suicide, especially at this age. I just like the quote, for god's sake! I find the whole situation both funny and extremely embarrassing. It's only the second time I've talked to her, and she thinks I'm suicidal. Oh well.

So far, today's been great (except for the planner thing). We went bowling in gym. I love bowling during gym because it's great just to relax right before school ends. I have a huge test to study for, even though I'm about to go watch Barefoot Contessa. There isn't anything deep I can put on here right now...maybe later? xoxo

I stayed home sick today. I don't feel as disgusting as I did earlier, and I hope I can go to practice tomorrow. That will clear my sinuses right up!

I also felt like I need a "mental holiday"...I've been really stressed recently and I feel like I'll be an all-around better person if I can have one day just to chill out. Last year was a disaster, and so far, so is the beginning of 2009. I almost feel like a loner in school, and that all of my friends are merely acquaintances...I'm doing fine in school, but I feel like school is just that - SCHOOL. I feel like I don't have a social life anymore. I'm not asking to be invited to something every day of my life, but it would be nice to have a group of friends that I did things with again. I miss hanging out with Charlotte every day. Luckily, I'm going to her house for a sleepover on Saturday. We should have a lot of fun (even though Taylor won't be there...I'll miss her). I can't wait. I'm supposed to make cupcakes, although that's a challenge at the moment because we don't have any fresh flour. Anyway, I bought a scale on Wednesday. An accurate one. I was weighing myself in my room (on carpet) and it said that I was lighter than I'd ever been, but when I moved it to hard floors it told me I was almost overweight. I'm more likely to believe the second result, which I hate admitting. It's true and I HAVE to lose weight. It's more of a health thing now. Not to mention I hate the fact that I have no control, at all.

I almost want to go to a boarding school. Just to completely start over. New surroundings, new people, new school...but I can't. I can't leave my family and friends like that...not to mention synchro.

I've been hanging out with Taylor a lot recently. We have a lot of fun together, so it's great to just be with each other, I guess.

Wow, there is one more day of winter break left.

I can't believe it went by so fast and so slowly at the same time. I'd say it went pretty well...minus the gaining 10 pounds part! I'm pretty sure most of it is water weight but you can definitely tell by looking at my face that I've gained weight. It's gotten really puffy and disgusting and I hate it. I keep promising myself I'll be good food-wise before school starts, but it's not working. I eat a lot when I'm bored, which is all the time. There's always so much good food around the house! Not to mention I'm going to Olive Garden with my uncle, aunt, and cousins tomorrow. It's not the best equation for losing weight, but I'll be back on track for sure starting Monday. I can't wait to look skinnier, prettier, etc.

New Year's Eve/Day was so much fun! I went to M's for a sleepover and we partied hard. I love those girls to the max and we always have so much fun together.

I still haven't talked to H. It's a little weird but I'm getting more and more used to it. He and K broke up today. I can't believe that happened...I think he knows that if he were to ask me out again I'd say no. I feel bad, but at the same time I feel like he deserves it. I like T a lot...too bad he's most likely going to be dating another girl by the end of this week. He always tells me he needs a girlfriend and that he's so lonely...I want to scream in his face that I'm right here! I'll be his girlfriend! It seems a little desperate but I really just wish I could shake him and tell him to look at what's right in front of his face. I'm sure if I just wait it out it'll happen, but I'm not sure I want to wait that long.