To start off, I don't know what to say. I don't think I've blogged in a while but I feel like a lot has happened.

I need to rant on something and Charlotte's not answering her phone, so it's going on here.

Hayden and Katelyn Sheehan are dating now.

As much as I'd like to be surprised, I'm not. I knew it was going to happen, and I asked him when he was going to do it a week ago. It's not so much that I'm surprised, but that I'm hurt. I don't want him back and I don't wish we were back together. The problem is that I feel like he disrespected me. It's been barely two weeks and he asks her out? Honestly, it does make me mad. I'm not totally okay with it but I don't need to be, either. When we first started dating, I felt like he was different than most other guys my age. He was respectful and courteous, and he treated me nicely. He had his issues, but I never felt like he was lying to me or going behind my back in any way. That is, until November. But that's the past now and I don't want to get into it. What really hurts is that now I know he is exactly like other guys. He's only concerned with sex at the moment. That's what he's getting with Katelyn Sheehan. And unfortunately, that's about it. I'm not bitter. I just feel hurt and disrespected. If he can replace me that fast, he doesn't need to keep talking to me. I'm fine without him.

This afternoon at lunch, Taylor Parry made a point of saying that many people our age do not know what love is. Taylor (Mutchler) then pointed at me, basically saying, "She does." I did know love. I loved Hayden. Do I now? I'm not so sure. The Hayden that exists now is not the same Hayden that I said 'yes' to ten months ago. I miss the 'old' Hayden. The one I could laugh with, talk with, and most importantly, love unconditionally. Being with him was like a high. Of course, I don't feel like that any more. I haven't for some time. When Taylor even mentioned it, it made me a little nostalgic. I miss those times. I did know love. I was in love with Hayden Smith.

But don't worry. I'm not anymore.