New Year's Resolutions

1. Lose 25 pounds or have my ideal measurements by the Disney spring trip.
2. Go on the computer less, and read more.
3. Straight A's for the rest of the year!
4. Do my hair & makeup everyday.
5. Be a good friend, and all-around good person.

What are yours?

I refreshed my Facebook homepage today to find this:



I can't stand him right now, for one. He just made his entire situation ten times worse if he wants to make up (supposedly). However, Hayden is not going to be the subject of this post.

Even though this really pissed me off, I can't stop thinking about it. What makes fashion so...consuming? What makes it so intriguing and life-changing? It's interesting to me how clothes are considered so much by a person. You're either loving fashion, hating it, or hating those who love it. So much energy and thought is put into one season...why? Why is what we wear so important?

Personally, I love fashion. Its complexities and little intricacies are so interesting to me. I love looking at runway pictures because it's so much fun to take inspiration from them. I think it's fun to look at, but I wouldn't necessarily say it dictates my life. But what does what you wear have to do with who you are inside? I'm still finding myself. I've got time. Yes, I read Fashionista. Yes, I do check The Sartorialist daily. But I don't think caring about what goes down the runway at Fashion Week makes me any less of a person. Thoughts?

Christmas day was fabulous. It was great to be with my family (especially since everyone was being...well, nice to each other) and just chillling out and having fun. All I really wanted was money, so I could go shopping after Christmas with Charlotte and Taylor. So, money was pretty much what I got. It was what I wanted and I'm definitely not complaining. My family also gave me a calendar and a sweater. My cousin mailed me a purse, which I really am not a huge fan of...but she tried. It was nice. I helped my mom make Christmas dinner and it was just really low-key and, well, nice.

Tonight I went to see Slumdog Millionaire with my parents. It was a great movie! I really loved it. If you're into good movies, go see it! It's completely worth the ten dollars, believe me. The story, acting, and directing is incredible. GO SEE IT NOW!

I really do hate bringing up this topic, but I feel like the best way to get rid of bad feelings is to talk about it, so it might as well go in here. Hayden is killing me. I feel absolutely betrayed. He's already obsessed with Katelyn and they've been dating for about a week. Was he lying to me for the past month? I can't stand it. I almost want to forget the past nine months. At this point, I feel like it was a joke. Even two weeks ago, I thought I would think of everything nostalgically, and a changing point in my life. But now, I'm almost embarrassed by it. I feel like a joke. A complete and absolute joke. I thought it was different, but I guess not. I can barely stand myself now.

I know I should try to forget all of this, but I can't. It's not that easy for me. And I feel like I'm trying to hold on to something that's no longer there. I need to stop. I need to forget. I need to find someone new...

Merry Christmas!

So, Christmas is in half an hour. I guess I'm pretty excited. I have no idea what I'm getting so it's kind of a big surprise. Today was okay. I did get to see Charlotte though, and I haven't for at least a week. That was nice. She loved her present and I loved mine :)

I've eaten so much over the past few days, it's disgusting. I'm still trying to lose a lot of weight before school starts (and I go shopping with Charlotte and Taylor...). It's so hard with all of the holiday food though. Tomorrow should be better because our Christmas dinner will be healthy this year. I still have to wrap two presents. I'm still excited though!

This year doesn't feel too much like Christmas, since I haven't been at home and the "Christmas spirit" hasn't really been around too much. Everyone's just too stressed. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and everything will be fine.

I love you all. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

To start off, I don't know what to say. I don't think I've blogged in a while but I feel like a lot has happened.

I need to rant on something and Charlotte's not answering her phone, so it's going on here.

Hayden and Katelyn Sheehan are dating now.

As much as I'd like to be surprised, I'm not. I knew it was going to happen, and I asked him when he was going to do it a week ago. It's not so much that I'm surprised, but that I'm hurt. I don't want him back and I don't wish we were back together. The problem is that I feel like he disrespected me. It's been barely two weeks and he asks her out? Honestly, it does make me mad. I'm not totally okay with it but I don't need to be, either. When we first started dating, I felt like he was different than most other guys my age. He was respectful and courteous, and he treated me nicely. He had his issues, but I never felt like he was lying to me or going behind my back in any way. That is, until November. But that's the past now and I don't want to get into it. What really hurts is that now I know he is exactly like other guys. He's only concerned with sex at the moment. That's what he's getting with Katelyn Sheehan. And unfortunately, that's about it. I'm not bitter. I just feel hurt and disrespected. If he can replace me that fast, he doesn't need to keep talking to me. I'm fine without him.

This afternoon at lunch, Taylor Parry made a point of saying that many people our age do not know what love is. Taylor (Mutchler) then pointed at me, basically saying, "She does." I did know love. I loved Hayden. Do I now? I'm not so sure. The Hayden that exists now is not the same Hayden that I said 'yes' to ten months ago. I miss the 'old' Hayden. The one I could laugh with, talk with, and most importantly, love unconditionally. Being with him was like a high. Of course, I don't feel like that any more. I haven't for some time. When Taylor even mentioned it, it made me a little nostalgic. I miss those times. I did know love. I was in love with Hayden Smith.

But don't worry. I'm not anymore.

I've been putting off writing this blog for at least three days. Hayden and I broke up. I would have been blogging about it (the cause) for at least a few weeks, but in the off chance he stumbled across this blog and read everything I'd written...I didn't want to take the chance. So as of Friday afternoon, Haylia is no more. I've been getting "I'm so sorry!"s and "I thought you guys would last forever!"s but honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm not sorry and neither should you. The last nine months have been incredible (for the most part) and I don't regret any second of it. I'm not sorry for all of the times we talked at my locker, or the midnight phone calls, or the awkward silences we shared over IM. I'm not sorry for the fact we broke up. It was for the best (I really do believe that) and it was the only way we could at least salvage a friendship. Don't tell me you're sorry, because I'm not and you shouldn't be either.

It was mutual, despite what some people have said. Hayden did bring it up, yes, but I had already thought of breaking up with him before. I saw it coming. I knew from the moment he started the sentence. I knew what was going to happen, and I didn't object. Our friendship is more important than desperately trying to stay together for three or so more months. Don't tell me you "know what I'm going through" because you don't. There are three or four people at school that know what I'm going through (if that many). Don't tell me your two-week relationship is the equivalent of nine months...because it's not. I've changed more over the last nine and a half months than I have over the previous two years. And most of it is because of Hayden. He was everything to me and I doubt that your two-week "I love you"s meant the same as ours. I'm still getting used to the fact we're not together. It might take me a little longer, but I'm getting there. And don't tell me you're sorry.