New Year's Resolutions

1. Lose 25 pounds or have my ideal measurements by the Disney spring trip.
2. Go on the computer less, and read more.
3. Straight A's for the rest of the year!
4. Do my hair & makeup everyday.
5. Be a good friend, and all-around good person.

What are yours?

I refreshed my Facebook homepage today to find this:



I can't stand him right now, for one. He just made his entire situation ten times worse if he wants to make up (supposedly). However, Hayden is not going to be the subject of this post.

Even though this really pissed me off, I can't stop thinking about it. What makes fashion so...consuming? What makes it so intriguing and life-changing? It's interesting to me how clothes are considered so much by a person. You're either loving fashion, hating it, or hating those who love it. So much energy and thought is put into one season...why? Why is what we wear so important?

Personally, I love fashion. Its complexities and little intricacies are so interesting to me. I love looking at runway pictures because it's so much fun to take inspiration from them. I think it's fun to look at, but I wouldn't necessarily say it dictates my life. But what does what you wear have to do with who you are inside? I'm still finding myself. I've got time. Yes, I read Fashionista. Yes, I do check The Sartorialist daily. But I don't think caring about what goes down the runway at Fashion Week makes me any less of a person. Thoughts?

Christmas day was fabulous. It was great to be with my family (especially since everyone was being...well, nice to each other) and just chillling out and having fun. All I really wanted was money, so I could go shopping after Christmas with Charlotte and Taylor. So, money was pretty much what I got. It was what I wanted and I'm definitely not complaining. My family also gave me a calendar and a sweater. My cousin mailed me a purse, which I really am not a huge fan of...but she tried. It was nice. I helped my mom make Christmas dinner and it was just really low-key and, well, nice.

Tonight I went to see Slumdog Millionaire with my parents. It was a great movie! I really loved it. If you're into good movies, go see it! It's completely worth the ten dollars, believe me. The story, acting, and directing is incredible. GO SEE IT NOW!

I really do hate bringing up this topic, but I feel like the best way to get rid of bad feelings is to talk about it, so it might as well go in here. Hayden is killing me. I feel absolutely betrayed. He's already obsessed with Katelyn and they've been dating for about a week. Was he lying to me for the past month? I can't stand it. I almost want to forget the past nine months. At this point, I feel like it was a joke. Even two weeks ago, I thought I would think of everything nostalgically, and a changing point in my life. But now, I'm almost embarrassed by it. I feel like a joke. A complete and absolute joke. I thought it was different, but I guess not. I can barely stand myself now.

I know I should try to forget all of this, but I can't. It's not that easy for me. And I feel like I'm trying to hold on to something that's no longer there. I need to stop. I need to forget. I need to find someone new...

Merry Christmas!

So, Christmas is in half an hour. I guess I'm pretty excited. I have no idea what I'm getting so it's kind of a big surprise. Today was okay. I did get to see Charlotte though, and I haven't for at least a week. That was nice. She loved her present and I loved mine :)

I've eaten so much over the past few days, it's disgusting. I'm still trying to lose a lot of weight before school starts (and I go shopping with Charlotte and Taylor...). It's so hard with all of the holiday food though. Tomorrow should be better because our Christmas dinner will be healthy this year. I still have to wrap two presents. I'm still excited though!

This year doesn't feel too much like Christmas, since I haven't been at home and the "Christmas spirit" hasn't really been around too much. Everyone's just too stressed. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and everything will be fine.

I love you all. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

To start off, I don't know what to say. I don't think I've blogged in a while but I feel like a lot has happened.

I need to rant on something and Charlotte's not answering her phone, so it's going on here.

Hayden and Katelyn Sheehan are dating now.

As much as I'd like to be surprised, I'm not. I knew it was going to happen, and I asked him when he was going to do it a week ago. It's not so much that I'm surprised, but that I'm hurt. I don't want him back and I don't wish we were back together. The problem is that I feel like he disrespected me. It's been barely two weeks and he asks her out? Honestly, it does make me mad. I'm not totally okay with it but I don't need to be, either. When we first started dating, I felt like he was different than most other guys my age. He was respectful and courteous, and he treated me nicely. He had his issues, but I never felt like he was lying to me or going behind my back in any way. That is, until November. But that's the past now and I don't want to get into it. What really hurts is that now I know he is exactly like other guys. He's only concerned with sex at the moment. That's what he's getting with Katelyn Sheehan. And unfortunately, that's about it. I'm not bitter. I just feel hurt and disrespected. If he can replace me that fast, he doesn't need to keep talking to me. I'm fine without him.

This afternoon at lunch, Taylor Parry made a point of saying that many people our age do not know what love is. Taylor (Mutchler) then pointed at me, basically saying, "She does." I did know love. I loved Hayden. Do I now? I'm not so sure. The Hayden that exists now is not the same Hayden that I said 'yes' to ten months ago. I miss the 'old' Hayden. The one I could laugh with, talk with, and most importantly, love unconditionally. Being with him was like a high. Of course, I don't feel like that any more. I haven't for some time. When Taylor even mentioned it, it made me a little nostalgic. I miss those times. I did know love. I was in love with Hayden Smith.

But don't worry. I'm not anymore.

I've been putting off writing this blog for at least three days. Hayden and I broke up. I would have been blogging about it (the cause) for at least a few weeks, but in the off chance he stumbled across this blog and read everything I'd written...I didn't want to take the chance. So as of Friday afternoon, Haylia is no more. I've been getting "I'm so sorry!"s and "I thought you guys would last forever!"s but honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm not sorry and neither should you. The last nine months have been incredible (for the most part) and I don't regret any second of it. I'm not sorry for all of the times we talked at my locker, or the midnight phone calls, or the awkward silences we shared over IM. I'm not sorry for the fact we broke up. It was for the best (I really do believe that) and it was the only way we could at least salvage a friendship. Don't tell me you're sorry, because I'm not and you shouldn't be either.

It was mutual, despite what some people have said. Hayden did bring it up, yes, but I had already thought of breaking up with him before. I saw it coming. I knew from the moment he started the sentence. I knew what was going to happen, and I didn't object. Our friendship is more important than desperately trying to stay together for three or so more months. Don't tell me you "know what I'm going through" because you don't. There are three or four people at school that know what I'm going through (if that many). Don't tell me your two-week relationship is the equivalent of nine months...because it's not. I've changed more over the last nine and a half months than I have over the previous two years. And most of it is because of Hayden. He was everything to me and I doubt that your two-week "I love you"s meant the same as ours. I'm still getting used to the fact we're not together. It might take me a little longer, but I'm getting there. And don't tell me you're sorry.

Today has been interesting, if not anything else. Somehow, my life manages to be both utterly boring and exciting at the same time. I woke up this morning and went to the ReCenter with my dad to work out a little bit (I gained a pound from yesterday's cupcakes...more on that later). I haven't really worked out since last Saturday, so I was in for a little shock. I did a lot of cardio (that was mostly what I did, anyway) and some arms and abs. I'm dreading Monday's practice, to say the least.

Last night, I went with Hayden's family to see his uncle in a play called Glengarry Glen Ross. I enjoyed the play, and it was great to meet his family (I hadn't met his grandparents or uncle) and it also gave me an excuse to bake. I made devil's food cupcakes with a buttercream frosting (the cakes homemade, the icing not...I messed up the frosting at the last minute) to bring with me to the theater. Hayden's grandmother and stepmom loved them, and I'm not sure what his grandfather or dad thought but I'm sure I'll find out tomorrow. Of course, I ate way too many (it always happens) and added to pizza for dinner, that's not such a great combination. Nevertheless, I hit the gym this morning and hopefully will lose a little bit of weight today.

In shopping news, I can't look at many things because I'm depressed about my weight. So...I don't have anything new for today. I'm hoping to go to Georgetown a little later to get Charlotte's Christmas present (shh...) so that should be fun. That's all I have for today...hopefully more action will go down tomorrow.

Breakfast: 1 small apple (50 cal)
Morning snack: Small americano (5 cal)
Lunch: Grilled cheese sandwich with provolone (420 cal) and ketchup (20 cal)
Afternoon snack: 1 large orange (80 cal), 1 oz salted peanuts (160 cal)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know that no one reads this but, hey, just in case.

I have absolutely no idea what to expect for the rest of today. I just had breakfast, even though I woke up at 8:30. I'm just chilling and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Yes, it is completely lame, but I'm not in the mood to do homework and I have nothing else to do.

In other news, the stovetop burners are broken. Considering that it's Thanksgiving, I figure we're pretty much screwed. My dad's trying to fix it, but I still think we're screwed. My mother refuses to use the microwave since it's about twenty years old, so we might end up going the Christmas Story route and eating take-out Chinese. Which reminds me...2008 has been an unlucky year for my family. First, my grandpa died. Then, my mom got cancer. Then, our pipes broke. And now, our Thanksgiving is ruined. I'm just looking forward to 2009. Hopefully it will be a better year.

On a lighter note...
CHRISTMAS IS STILL COMING! 97.1 WASHFM has started playing Christmas/holiday music. It's so exciting I can barely contain myself. I still haven't started picking out gifts for everyone! I don't think my mom's planning on going shopping tomorrow (Black Friday) so I have time to figure out what I want to get everyone. I really have no idea what to get people! I don't have much else to write, so I'll be out for now.

NEWSFLASH...my mom decided that we're going out to eat, but my grandma is being insanely stubborn and refuses to go. Updates later.

Today has been mostly stress-free, surprisingly. Hayden was at his house and ready to go by the time we got there, and we got to the restaurant at 1:00 sharp. I was still nervous about how he'd react to my family. We are, shall we say...boisterous. My uncle, aunt, and cousins never shut up. They're not shy, that's for sure. Hayden sat there and hardly said anything. I'm sure they think he's mute. Or normal, either one. I ate too much and I won't even attempt putting it here. The good news is that I have no appetite for anything else. Just tea for me until I go to sleep later.

Friday was a lot of fun. I miss just talking with my girls. We played charades and drank mocktails. Good times.

I am so excited for Christmas! I could care less about Thanksgiving. The only thing that's good about it is seeing family and not having school. I've never been a huge fan of the food (even when I ate meat) and my mother is making rice (not breadcrumb) stuffing this year. Basically, my meal will consist of pie. Which is, of course, very nutritious. *Cough.*

My favorite thing about Christmas is the presents. Not getting them, exactly, but giving them. I haven't chosen what I'm getting for everyone yet, which makes things more stressful, but all that much more exciting. On the other hand, I majorly want this sweater:

I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it's adorable. Anyway, I'm not asking for any sort of clothing that requires more than a T-shirt size because I'd like to lose more weight. But for anyone who cares, I'd really like this T-shirt:

Not that it, ahem, matters or anything.

As usual, I should be doing homework. I just got back from the doctor's office (and a trip to Einstein's...) and I just want to veg right now. Of course, that biology science fair proposal will not write itself...ugh. I still feel disgusting, but somehow better. I can actually talk now! Hayden called me last night, and we actually had a conversation. I feel like I haven't had a real phone conversation with him in the longest time. NME has an entire issue dedicated to The Strokes, and I have no place to buy it. Tear... The new Gossip Girl episode (which I watched yesterday in all my sick glory) was filled with drama as usual...I can't believe Jenny. What a bitch! She finally washed all of that black makeup off her eyes. Good idea, writers.

Apparently Coldplay is splitting up as of next year? I can't say I'm completely depressed. Everything they do sounds like they're trying to be Radiohead...even if I did/do dance to "Viva La Vida" every time it's played.

By the way, I am so pumped for the Obama administration! His daughters are so cute...they were in town yesterday looking at schools. Not to mention Michelle Obama has an amazing fashion sense and will win the hearts of all Americans. Obviously.


Why does American Apparel do this to me? I want one in every color. Damn.

Breakfast: sun-dried tomato bagel (270 cal) with veggie schmear (60 cal)
breakfast total: 330 cal
Lunch: 1 bowl Progresso Vegetable & Noodle soup (140 cal), peppermint tea (0 cal)

I feel absolutely disgusting. Thank god I didn't go to school today. All I've done today is drown myself in chamomile tea and finish the next assignment for Lord of the Flies. I should finish my science fair proposal or even read a book, but right now I'm too lazy.

The sun is out today for the first time in weeks! Too bad it's freezing and the wind is blowing like none other. It's blowing the door so hard I'm afraid it will blow open. And besides, it's not like I could enjoy the weather, considering that I'm stuck inside with a raging cold. Charlotte's birthday dinner is on Friday, and I absolutely cannot wait. (Even though I haven't bought her present yet, shh...) Last night's practice was tough, considering I hadn't been in the water since the Thursday before. My legs are so completely sore. It will be even worse on Thursday, assuming I'm not going to practice tonight (which is a safe assumption). I want to go shopping for clothing but I still want to wait until I reach my goal weight, which I am guessing will be around the end of December. How convenient! Until then I will just have to drool over websites.

It doesn't feel like a Tuesday to me, which I suppose is a good thing. I'm not a fan of Tuesdays. I feel like this week will go by very fast. Here's to hoping!

Today's been a slow day. I didn't go to practice because I was feeling sick. Basically, I stayed home in my pajamas all day long and did homework...which is the only productive thing that came out of today, really. But now I smell like vinegar because I just ate a salad. Sigh.

I'm excited for the SNL episode tonight. It's been reruns every week for a while, so I'm happy to have a new episode...finally. I'm completely sick of the Twilight hype already. I want to strangle the people that wear the t-shirts or hoodies every day. This is worse than Harry Potter, in my opinion...

My love for Gossip Girl is getting quite out of control, but I can't wait for the new episode on Monday. Jenny is such a bitch! In better news, I'm taking a trip to New York in the middle of January, which I am insanely excited for. I don't have much to comment on at the moment so I'll just be out for now.